I’m learned to act on my inspirations. If I leave an idea that excites me, until I have time, until the kids are asleep, until the house is clean, until the food is made, until the cats are fed, the energy is lost and the topic is not as accessible for my creativity anymore. The excitement is not there, and the idea that was visiting for a while has left to find collaboration from another human.
This inspiration came from an “Aha” moment in my morning meditation yesterday.
I’d learned a while ago that I need to meditate for my own well-being. I noticed my days would flow better, I would have more patience, I would feel more centered, and find more joy in my days. I realized I needed to make it my priority first thing in the morning, otherwise, it will most likely not be done. It was tough to establish the practice while tending to 2 little beings (+1 on weekends – and not so little anymore) and 2 furry ones.
When the kids were younger, I would sit for only 5 minutes in the morning after a brief 5 minute stretch on my yoga mat. The stretch itself is not only for the physical benefit of waking up and waking my body up. It is also, because we carry a lot of our issues in our body and stretching releases stored up energetic memory clearing the way for meditation.
Now, when everyone has their own morning routine, with Valerei checking her messages from local friends as well as those from across the world, and Daniel checking on updates in gaming YouTuber world, my practice is a bit longer. My still brief stretching is closer to 20 minutes now and the meditation bit could be closer to 20 minutes as well.
When kids were younger, I would just ask them to give me 5 minutes without talking to me, now I bring them a cup of cut up fruit each for a delicious snack to get them started on their day before I get started on mine!
So back to my “Aha” moment, what I realized is that the days that I dread the meditations or/and my stretches the most are the days that I need them the most. I also have a gratitude project going where I post a daily gratitude on Facebook. And on days I find the most challenging to find anything to be grateful for are the days I need to dig deeper.
A teacher has told me once that meditations are not what some people imagine them to be. We romanticize so many things nowadays. We romanticize birth and motherhood. We see images of happy mothers in white flowing dresses with happy well groomed children. And birth is not that pretty. It is exhilarating and magical but rarely it is “pretty”. And motherhood is tough and tiring. And children do not want to be groomed. When I see a well groomed child I know there were either tears behind it or the child has given up and accepted the discomfort.
So, meditation is one of those things – there are images of joyful smiling meditating people that come up in our mind when we think of meditation. It does not mean meditation cannot be a joyful activity. But the reality is that when we meditate, we connect deeply with ourselves. And on the days we are already struggling with something, we might not want to connect with that but rather look for a destruction instead.
What’s interesting is that those destructions cannot be fulfilling until the issue we are struggling with is addressed. We cannot eat the issue away, or Facebook it away, or drink it away, or whatever other way of “copying” you have for yourself.
I have recently grabbed a couple of cherries covered in delicious chocolate knowing I am not in a good place looking for a quick “pick me up” for my stretched nerves. I decided to have them anyway. So, I had them in awareness and realized that it’s not working. Those two little cherries covered in chocolate could not fill the void. I would need to eat a jar of them to feel the difference for a bit until either the sugar crash or caffeine overstimulation kicks in.
On the other hand, when I am meditating, I tune in, and if there is something that’s been brewing – it will surface up. And when it does, it won’t be met with a smile but rather with cleansing tears or deep breaths to get through it. That’s what it takes, on some days, to get to that mental clarity and emotional well-being. That’s the feeling we are searching for. So yes, there could be joy found on the other side of meditation, but most often, that is after we are willing to put in some work and deal with discomfort first.
At the end of the day, we are looking for that connection with ourselves. We are hungry for our own acceptance and love. No one and nothing else can give that to us and can fulfill that void. We can only gift it to ourselves. And one of the ways to connect is to meditate, to use our breath to dig through the layers to the very center where the spirit dwells, where all is well.